80 Funny New Year Quotes to Start the Year 2025 Off with a Laugh

As the calendar turns and we usher in a brand-new year 2025, it's time to hit refresh and turn our sights on new beginnings. But let's face it—while we're setting ambitious goals and planning our resolutions, it's essential to bring a dash of humor along for the ride. After all, what better way to start the New Year than with a hearty laugh? So, here are 80 funny New Year quotes that will tickle your funny bone and set a joyful tone for the next 365 days.

1. "New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendars."
2. "I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person."
3. "May all your troubles last as long as your resolutions." — Joey Adams
4. "Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." — Oprah Winfrey
5. "A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other."
6. "My New Year’s resolution is to stop feeling guilty about not keeping last year's resolution."
7. "I would quit drinking in the New Year, but nobody likes a quitter."
8. "I was going to resolve to think twice before saying something, but then I thought… why?"
9. "An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." — Bill Vaughn
10. "I'm planning on remembering 2025 like it was yesterday."
11. "I resolve to work on my resolutions all year, no matter how hard they prove to be...failed already!"
12. "My New Year's resolution is 1080p."
13. "Dear New Year, please be nice to me this time. I haven’t been mean to you!"
14. "Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account." — Oscar Wilde
15. "May the New Year bring you more happiness than your husband’s resolutions bring him."
16. "This New Year's I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess."
17. "I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I didn’t become a better person."
18. "New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday." — Charles Lamb
19. "I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning, and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me." — Anaïs Nin
20. "Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual." — Mark Twain
21. "Every New Year’s Eve, I look forward to a good show at Times Square...an over-the-top rejection of resolutions as the ball drops."
22. "Looking to set goals for the new year, but not expecting too much: I resolve, cough cough, to learn a new hobby. Or location of my other shoe."
23. "What the new year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the new year… and possibly a lucky rabbit’s foot."
24. "Leaving 2023, entering 2024: cue the optimism that we will finally grasp how to sit on a couch less and exercise more."
25. "If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl. If you can’t crawl, then just move inch by inch in another direction." — Martin Luther King Jr.
26. "For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice – hopefully with fewer typos this time." — T.S. Eliot
27. "Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits."
28. "This year, my resolution is to remember what my resolutions are!"
29. "Every New Year I have the same question: 'How did I get home last year?'"
30. "New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time." — James Agate
31. "In the New Year, never forget to thank your past years because they enabled you to reach today! Without the stairs of the past, you cannot arrive at the future." — Mehmet Murat ildan
32. "New Year, new you. Just kidding. Here’s to another year of being fabulously the same you as last year."
33. "Resolution: To get a beach bod. This year: Butter-bodied."
34. "Time to stop the bad diets, stop the self-loathing, and stop being so hard on myself – tomorrow! Happy New Year!"
35. "My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my TV."
36. "May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!" — Aleister Crowley
37. "This new year, be at peace with your appearances, you'll just end up confused with wishful thinking anyways."
38. "My goal for 2025 is to accomplish the goals of 2024, which I should have done in 2023, because I made a promise in 2022 and planned in 2021!"
39. "New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls, and humbug resolutions." — Mark Twain
40. "We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives, not looking for flaws, but for potential." — Ellen Goodman
41. "Forget the sweet tea and lemonade. Opt for champagne and dance poorly into the new year."
42. "My resolution is to create a world where there are so many Mondays disguised as Fridays; no one will notice when I have ice cream for breakfast."
43. "The world gets a new year, you get a new phoenix, so don’t let your ashes control your rising."
44. "I usually make resolutions that are a little easier to keep, like getting enough rest, telling more jokes, or mastering the art of the freakishly big smile while eating cake."
45. "Drum rolls and fireworks are all that’s needed to know the New Year is here. Or is it just a successful way to distract us from forming actual resolutions?"
46. "You know you’re getting old when you celebrate New Year’s by keeping one eye on the ball drop and the other on your pajamas."
47. "I will quit procrastinating…at some point this year."
48. "I resolve to accomplish things I’ve wanted to do for years like waking up before noon on a weekend or high-fiving myself when no one’s looking."
49. "My resolution: something about avoiding bacon-wrapped quiches just this one time (but only because they taught me once again that eating well is possible only in theory)."
50. "It’s time to release your inner rebel and do a resolution that stands out from the rest: Plan to break the limits of your to-do list only to add more to it."
51. "I’m just here to find some laughs amongst complicated hopes wrapped in 2024 ribbons!"
52. "This New Year, I’m thinking of opening an account titled ‘Complicated Adulting and Unfinished Tasks’, so I can make easier withdrawals whenever."
53. "May this New Year bring you more money, more love, and more binge-worthy shows than last year!"
54. "Let’s welcome the esteemed Guest-of-Honor...my perpetual procrastination. Thanks for sticking around!"
55. "My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask about my New Year’s resolutions."
56. "This year, dear resolutions, be kind to us. We haven’t built up our monuments in vain!"
57. "Nothing changes on New Year’s Day. Of course, yesterday is still waiting in line!"
58. "I promise to exercise until I reach the point where I can’t lose any more weight, or until the couch finds me, whichever comes first."
59. "This year I’m going to consider the cup always half full – mainly because I’m always sipping it!"
60. "New Year stands before us like a chapter in a new book, waiting to be written…by someone who’s better at writing resolutions than me."
61. "Cheers to people who love travel and tacos. This is your year!"
62. "Happy New Year! Let’s kick it off with a bang and by bang, I mean two days in bed, daydreaming!"
63. "I love when they drop the ball in Times Square — it’s a nice reminder of what I did all year." — Bridger Winegar
64. "New Year’s Eve is that observed holiday of hope with a touch of ‘but what if I change as a human and fail miserably again?’"
65. "Let us dare to quest the mystical lands towards accomplishing more resolutions than a procrastinator. It’s a refreshing thought for this year, of course!"
66. "May your troubles be less and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door, and occasionally chocolates." — Irish Proverb
67. "Let's make sure the things we collect in 2025 come without expiration dates."
68. "When you’re laughing with friends and family this New Year, remember to turn your resolutions into jokes; it’s okay to fail, laughing is thriving!"
69. "Happy New Year! May this one be providentially better than that last not-quite-perfect attempt!"
70. "To a New Year, where we can find happiness often hidden behind calorie-laden dreams!"
71. "Start the New Year off right, forget about last year and do exactly as you already planned, by rebranding it with a change of font."
72. "The key to mutual New Year’s resolutions: None existent but with an impressive collection of imaginary gold stars!"
73. "This year, expect fewer pants to be worn and more vividly colored pajamas as new life hacks."
74. "Never ever ask your New Year’s resolutions to battle: make them think they actually have plans."
75. "Say yes to new adventures with friends and remain open to completely acceptable day naps in exciting places."
76. "To our New Year: we hope you arrive with decadent midnight snacks hidden inside conveniently placed pillowcases."
77. "New Year’s brings an unpredictable amount of wellness but always greet it with silly socks and playful hats!"
78. "Whatever brings you happiness, let it linger longer than the confetti in your hair."
79. "With my nightly habits as companions this New Year, let my imagination begin to stir!"
80. "Just like wine or this message, may you age well and remain current—at least until February!"

As we laugh our way into 2025 with these 80 witty quotes, let's remember that humor is the heart of every resolution. Embrace this New Year with a dash of jest and capture your journey in a journal. Documenting your experiences not only preserves your memories but also allows you to see how far you've come—helping you find joy even in the smallest victories.

Happy New Year, and may your year be as funny as it is fabulous! 🤪

Also, read this blog post to get inspired by 100+ Merry Christmas and Happy New Year wishes.